I would just like one night where I do not wake up in pain. I found this image on the web and really liked how it pinpointed every area where the pain could possibly be. Just a little background and I will try to keep it brief. I have had many surgeries in my lifetime: 3 c-sections, knee surgery, my appendix taken out, my wisdom teeth removed, and numerous other outpatient procedures. All I ever took was an Advil. If fact after I had my appendix out, I was back to campus taking my finals.
This pain is different. It goes right down to the bone and stops me from moving. I could barely get out of bed this morning. Then add the dizziness to the pain or from the pain, I am not even sure what it coming from where any longer. As I am sitting here my left hip feels like it is on fire. Yes, I have pain patches, yet I cannot put them all over my body.
With my first child, I was in labor for about 15 hours before the doctors figured out that the baby was just to big and the babies heart rate was low, really low. I thought that was bad pain. It radiated everywhere. I felt like parts of me were being stretched that should never have been.
Fibro is different. Fibro does not end. There is no bundle of joy at the end of it all. Only more pain and stiffness. Or may be part of that is my arthritis. At this point, I feel like I do about my mental illness, call it whatever you want, I just know how I feel and at this point it is like crap. There is not an easy fix for this. I know that my doctor says that activity is good for my body and to keep moving a little each day. That is hard when the next day I am in too much pain to move and by body feels like it has been run over by a tractor-trailer.
My symptoms have become worse since February. I realize that some of the people who I know have not seen me. They have not seen the cane or the fact that I cannot walk straight. No one, but my closest family is lucky enough to have to help me with the simplest task of turning over in bed. I even asked the doctor why my fibro seems so bad when others are out working and getting on with their lives. His response was that everyone’s body is different. I would gladly trade with any of those people. He suggested that I go see the pain management specialist. I am just scared that I am going to wind up being a human pincushion. The last time that I had a shot for pain, the shot cause more pain before I felt any relief and then only lasted for a couple of weeks.
Sorry about all of the complaining. I am just in a really bad place this morning.