Early Morning

Once again, I had the pleasure of waking up at 4am and have been up ever since. The cat woke me up while trying to bang on the door to get in. She pushes her entire body against the door to try to open it. When I looked and saw 4am on the clock, I pulled the covers up over my head in an attempt to go back to sleep.

A lot of good that did me. Thanks to the banging of doors, talking, laughing, and I am not sure what the other sounds were, I could not go back to sleep.

This is where my brain takes over. I am an adult and should realize that there is no one in the house, yet like a child I start hearing every creak and noise that is going on around me. Thank you PTSD. Just what I want.

The plan for today was to run to the library and return a few things that I have out. Now, I feel paralized to get up off of the couch. These are the moments that I wish that my rational mind would take over. Instead, I am sitting hear shaking, afraid to move, feeling like I will be sick at any second.

For those of you who have known me for a while, I have been able to keep some of this in check while I am out, yet I do not go out alone. If you do not know me or have similar experiences then I hope that the descriptions help.

Please feel free to ask questions or comment. Again I am looking forward to the possibility of sleep and of leaving the house if I can get a service animal.

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One thought on “Early Morning

  1. Jenn, I used to have the same experience in terms of being hypervigilant to every noise inside and outside of the house. I still can’t go to sleep unless Chris is home. That said, I did find that once I had children, my focus changed. Instead of focusing on the noises being evidence of someone breaking into the house, I now obsess over every breath, sigh, and wimper that my children make. Hugs to you. Hang in there. P.S. It is going to be a beautiful day!

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