This is how I wished that I felt right now. Instead I can barely type on my keyboard. If I could do today over, I would. Maybe it is not that simple. I would actually have to have gone back and said no to advocacy day.
Therein lies one of my biggest problems. I feel that I cannot say no to people. I do not want to disappoint them or make them angry with me, so I say yes. Saying yes today was not good. First, it meant waking up early. I usually do not get up early. Next, it involved leaving the house and driving over an hour away. Two of the things that promote anxiety for me. Then, let me take three more people with me in my car who I have never met before. Can anyone say to much? Why did I not say no?
In my head I was screaming no. Do not take anyone, I was already in over my head!! So, needless to say on the entire drive I was on pins and needles. Spending a day talking to others is not exactly my idea of a great time, esp. when I need to walk. By the time the day was over, I was ready to crash in my car or at least scream. Maybe even have an internal meeting about respecting each other.
Instead, my stressed ridden self had to drive back. Add rush hour traffic and I do not think that I am going to get to sleep very early tonight!! I am having trouble focusing and every noise is setting me off.
At least tomorrow, I am free. I can look forward to reading a book and spending time with my cat. Maybe, I will even attempt some artwork to allow younger parts to express their feelings about today. I am not sure that it will be pretty, but it will let my treatment team know how I am feeling,