I should be used to them by now. I have learned the skills of deep breathing and mindfulness; they are there to take the panic away. Would someone please let my body know that!! This morning I woke to my heart racing and the feeling like I just had to get out of my own skin.

Add to that the doors closing outside, my neighbors shower running, and all of the things that I have to do this weekend running through my head. I over scheduled myself and come Monday, I am going to be absolutely fried. One of those couldn’t say no weekends where I should have but felt bad. Anyway, I am sitting here typing with my heart feeling like it is going to burst out of my chest any moment.

My therapist and doctor mean well. They just do not get it. If I was just panicking at what was happening in the moment, I probably could calm down, yet lift just cannot be that simple. First it begins with my heart racing, then I start thinking about all I have to do, while I am thinking about that something comes up from my past, then I start to think about that and then even more comes up. Talk about the snowball effect!!

I wished that I could “get over it.” as I have been told so many times. Just do not let things get to you so much. I know people like that, events just seem to pass them by. For me, I get stuck in the event, surrounded by it even and it becomes like a fog that I cannot see through. Maybe things will get better this morning and maybe they won’t. All I know is that just like every other time, I feel I need to push through these feelings or I am going to be stuck in a loop. That never ends well.

I will keep you posted.

Just as a side note, for those who are following my blog thank you. If you have any questions, I would love to answer them privately or blog about them. I am open to topics!!


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