Today started out without being able to sleep, taking a nap, and then taking an unexpected trip with my mom. The outing turned out well/typical of an outing with my mom. She rehashed the same stories of her sister dying, of the blood pressure meds that worked one day and the not the next, and the wonderful way that she has of telling the same story over 5 or 6 times.

Maybe in some way that is comforting. At least she is not the monster from the past. She cares about me in the way that she can and I accept that. I was glad that I could be there for her and once again prove her theory wrong that she could not count on me. She always swore that I would leave her.

As I sat in the car waiting for her to come out of her appointment, I wondered if I was really going to ever get my contract for my service dog? Did they forget about me. Yes, low self esteem is a bitch.

Then, I checked my phone tonight as my husband was looking through the rows of best buy and there was the contract. I burst into tears in the middle of the store and I am not one who cries. To know that I will have a service animal is amazing. I also received a video that the organization had made of me today. My husband is supportive of anything that I need to make me better, yet I would not say he is a dog person. Even he was excited to see me actually walking for the first time in months.

Again, good news-I have a contract. The bad news is that I now need to come up with the money for the dog. Luckily, for me, I know someone who has already stated that she can groom the dog and the organization provides me with the equipment for the dog. There is still the money for the training, vet bills, and care that the dog will need before he/she comes to me.

The figure is not small!! Where is a fairy godmother when you need her? I already have a ton of medical expenses from my trips in and out of mental health facilities and all of the testing that had to be done to determine my illness. My one hope is that some friends and family will be generous. Maybe they will even pass my name along to others who are able to give 5, 10, 20 dollars. All it takes is a little at time.

So as happy and elated that I am that I have a contract, is as scared as I am that I will not be able to raise the funds needed to make this happen!


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