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As an adult, I love to color. Today, after a meeting with a member of my treatment team, I went to a local store to pick up a blank book. Of course, parts wanted to do so much more than look at a blank book. So we wound up looking at all of the beads, the scrapbook supplies (which I know if I ever started I would spend a fortune on, yet looking is free, and the art section.

I love the art aisles in this store. There are paints of all colors, colored pencils, oil pastels, canvases, and anything else that someone could want. I saw a pack of markers that I would have loved to have had, maybe another day or a birthday present. Maybe a holiday gift or an amazon wish list? Then I saw the coloring books!!

As a child, I liked to color in the coloring books, yet I felt inadequate at coloring. My mom was great at coloring.One of my most vivid memories is of this huge Wizard of Oz coloring book. The front page was of a globe with all of the characters. I was saving that page for last. I wanted to be really good at coloring by the time that I got around to that page. One night I was coloring the book and was told that it was time for bed. I went to bed and forgot about the book.

When I woke up the next day, my mother had told me that she had put my coloring book away. Ok, I thought, at least I did not get in trouble for leaving it out!! The next time that I went to color in the book, i noticed that the picture that I had been waiting to color was filled in. I went up to my mom and asked her why she had colored the picture. She replied that she knew that I was not good enough at coloring to do a good job on that picture. I do not think that I picked up that coloring book again. Even after that she would insist on leaving certain pages in my coloring books for her. I could never live up to what she could do so I just stopped.

Then I was diagnosed with PTSD and DID. How freeing in some ways. I discovered through art therapy that I loved art again. I did not care if my work looked like a 5 year old had completed it, who knows maybe she did? My art did not have to be perfect any longer. I was not perfect. The one motto that I live by now is that my art needs to please me and those inside.

So about the coloring books. Yes, I did get one!! A connect the dot book where each picture has 300 or more dots. Talk about getting my mind off things and then coloring in the completed picture!! Double therapy. Gotta love it.

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