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My children mean a lot to me. I only see them a few times a month due to a horrible custody dispute and my mental health issues being used against me. That said sometimes it is so frustrating. Their school fails to notify me, their father fails to tell me what is going on or when doctor’s appointments are, their paternal grandmother (aka babysitter) yells at them constantly and is easily frustrated, and then there is me. Where do I fit in to their lives. I seem to just be a babysitter sometimes.

Frustration sets in. Then there is my own mother. She seems to think that the kids are hers. She is trying to be a great grandmother. She brings over cupcakes and other little treats. She plays games with the kids. The only problem is she takes over. When I say that I do not want the kids to have something or to do something because it is against what I feel is ok for them to do, she ignores me.

This behaviour brings up all kinds of issues from my past. I did not have this woman as a mother. The mother that I had would have beat me if I asked for desert. My mother did not let me help with anything, declaring me incompetent to complete any household task. It is sad, yet I did not do my first load of laundry until I was 22. Why does she let my children get away with anything.

This brings me to today. I just wanted a relaxing weekend with my kids. During the week, I have been having double doctor’s appointments and next week is no exception. Going from regular therapy to physical therapy is draining. So, today what does she want to do. Go shopping. Does she realize that my body is exhausted and screaming that is needs a rest? My knee was swollen last night and this morning I am dizzy once again. All I want to do is to stay home, yet I feel like I do not want to hurt her feelings. She enjoys spending time with the kids. I know that I will be sore tonight and absolutely exhausted. The last thing that I ever want to do is shop and taking three kids along is mentally and physically draining. I would rather stay home, order whatever it is online, and play games, color, and spend time with my kids. So when do I get to be their mother?

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