Closing In On Myself

PTSD, DID, MDD, GAD, IBS, Fibro, degenerative disc disease, arthritis!! My head is swimming with all that I have been diagnosed with. In the past, most of my illnesses were mental health related. With a mental illness, there is always stability or at least the goal of getting stable. I was able to go back to school, people did not see my mental illness (although I am socially awkward), and life could progress as “normal” as anyone elses.

Enter Fibromyalgia. At first, the doctor’s did not know the extent that the fibro affected my body. From September until now, I have not changed, however; the doctor’s are getting a better picture of where I am at physically. Apparently, that is not so good. I am only to exercise every other day. 10 minutes is supposedly a great amount for me to walk. I know deep down that the doctor’s are correct in their advice. I just do not like what they have to say.

If I push to hard, which I tend to do, I wind up exhausted the next day, barely able to get out of bed or walk. Parts of me just want to throw a tantrum and scream WHY at the top of my lungs. Parts are upset that even though an adult is no longer controlling us, our body has failed us in so many ways.

This blog, is my one outlet to others who are going through or have been through similar experiences. It has been great to be on here and meet others from all over the world. I have been inspired by everyone’s blog that I have read. Art, music, video, journalism, all used as ways of communicating.

The picture today was one that I was drawn to. I see a face in the middle of the picture with two hands seeming to be holding it up and swirling around it. That is how I feel today. Like I am there, yet no one seems to be able to see who I am. There is just too much crap in the way.

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