Stages of grief. I think that I have been through them all with my fibromyalgia. Who knows, maybe I will return to one or another one day,
I realized a couple of days ago just how much impact this illness has on my life. Not always negative! I went on a field trip with my son which involved walking. In my mind, I could do this. I could spend the day with him walking around a beautiful city on a gorgeous spring day.
I was so happy to spend time with him, yet my body was screaming halfway through the day to stop. Of course, being me, I just went on. Bad idea. I was in so much pain and even now am still feeling the effects.
That day made me realize that this illness is not all in my head. The pain was real, the effects of the pain were real. I came to the conclusion that I have to let go of some of what I think I can do.
I can still walk, yet it is limited. I can still go places, yet again I need to limit how many and allow for rest, In some ways it is freeing. My body is just not what it was and may not ever be again.
I am ok with that at this point and I just need to be honest with myself and others.
so goodbye 2 hours at the gym. Dancing or at least the hope of it. Walking for hours. The memories are great and they will always be there. I was lucky to be able to do all of the activities that I did. Dance, Horseback ride, chaperone field trips, walk for hours with the kids.
Those are now board games, short periods of going out, different expectations for myself. I am still getting used to this and there are still days that it is hard, yet this is who I am and I can still have a fulfilling life, just different.