My Brain Is Spinning

Therapy this week was hard. Not that my therapist asked me anything off base. I realized that the life I have created in my head is really messing with my actual life.

My family is one of those areas that I tend to avoid talking about. I really want everything to have been ok, yet I know it was not. There have been triggers, flashbacks, nightmares, and actual accounts now from others about what happened.

My therapist showed me a few questions out of a book. Basically it was dealing with narcissistic mothers and the effects on their child. As I read through the questions I could answer yes to every one of them. Years ago, another therapist thought that my mother was narcissistic. I read about it and thought that I was not qualified to make that judgement.

So, now I am reading the questions and can answer yes to every one of them. Scary to say the least. So what did I do. I downloaded the book and really started working on what happened and how I feel about my mother.

Not feeling the best right now. I feel like the mother that I thought I had only exists in my head, that she was not like that when I think of the experiences in my life.

So, at the moment I am confused as to what my life is and who I am. Am I being like my mother to my kids? How much pain do I have to go through until I feel better? Right now I feel like I just need to keep working and maybe the swirls in my head would ease up and things would be ordered.

One thought on “My Brain Is Spinning

  1. There are two good books on the subject. “Will I ever be enough: healing the daughters of narcissistic mothers” (Karyl McBride, PhD) and “Children of the Self-Absorbed: a grownups guide to getting over narcissistic parents” (Nina Brown, Ed.D, L.P.C.)

    Both stand prominently in my bookcase. Does that tell you anything about my level of understanding about which you speak? 😉

    There used to be a listserve for children of narcissistic parents. It was pretty good. I have not gotten it in quite a while. don’t remember if I unsubbed or if it just went away. could be worth checking out.

    Take it slow. It can be overwhelming to discover that much of what you feel and have felt is “typical.” It can be like reading a horoscope that fits perfectly. It’s a little freaky. be kind to you. try to avoid the mines.

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