Today I am Just Here

After 2 MRI’s on Monday and seeing a specialist yesterday, I am just numb. I feel like no one is listening to what I say. The medical doctor’s for the most part just pick me apart. I am more than just a brain, an arm, a spine, a knee, etc… I am a person.

Somehow the mental health profession gets this. The doctor’s who treat my Fibro and Pain get this. The specialists are a whole different story.

Yesterday, was another day where I was told, yes I see something, yet that cannot be the cause of your problems. The doctor did not even know what PTSD was. In today’s world and as a specialist who treats bone issues, I would think that he would have known.

That should have been my first clue to run like hell out of the office. Unfortunately, he is not the first or the last doctor that just does not get it and he never will. That doctor will retire in a few years and believe that he did his best, which he probably has.

For me, I want to advocate. I do not want to sit back and let patients be mistreated or unheard. If these illnesses did not exist than no one would have the symptoms, yet there are many people on here and those that I have met in life that have the same symptoms. It seems like if it does not have a name than it does not exist in the medical world.

So today, I am just numb. I do not know how to feel about all of this, yet I know that I want things to change and the only way that things change is for people to speak up.

I know that my pain is real. My back hurts, me legs hurt, my knees give out. I use a cane and if I do not I am even more unstable.

Yesterday was another bump in a very long road. I am lucky to have the doctors that I do. Doctors that believe and treat what I have rather than telling me it is all in my head. I wish that everyone was so lucky.

So today, I will listen to some music and maybe do some journaling. Yesterday, after that horrible doctor’s adventure, I took a ride to a local park and watched the water. I saw and oriole and a cardinal. Two birds that I have not seen in a very long time. It made me feel like things would be ok. Maybe I should take a ride to that park more often?

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