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Finally, Some Color!!

My symptoms are finally stabilizing for the first time in months. I am learning to live with the constant pain and adapting my life accordingly.

As far as the PTSD, I am working in therapy to finally talk and break down all of my abuse. There are times when I feel like I need a break from my abuser and times when parts feel the need to talk with that person. All parts are accepting that this back and forth may last a while.

I am getting out of the house more than I was. Not that I want to leave the house. If it were up to me I would stay in all the time. There are appointments to get to and a friend’s recital this weekend that I am excited to see. Not to mention the fact that I am able to meet up and see my future service dog this weekend.

I have been reading a lot lately. Reading about other’s struggles with the symptoms of PTSD somehow makes me feel normal. The hypervigilence, insomnia, flashbacks, and nightmares are normal for those of us that have been through trauma.

For now, I want to try to enjoy each day. For one, I have finally been on a regular sleep schedule and take fewer naps. The schedule has definitely helped. I am in bed by 10 every night and up by 9 the next morning. This does not mean that I do not struggle to go to sleep, yet I still go to bed.

The photo today is of carnations. They were my great grandmothers favorite flower. I loved the color combination of the pink and black. She would have loved that they were different. I still miss her everyday. She was one of the few people in my life who listened to me and really got me along with my aunt who lived with her.

They may be gone, yet they are not forgotten. I was lucky to have their love and support through some of the toughest years of my life.

My hope, is that my kids feel that they got the love and support that they needed from me when they are older. Only time will tell!

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