, , , ,

Looking UP

Sometimes I feel as if I am just looking up and cannot get anywhere even though I want to. I see everyone around me having successes and moving forward, while I feel that I am stuck in one place.

While I feel that I making improvements in therapy, they are baby steps. Sometimes taking a month to get through one small part of a memory. At least I am working!

Then there is all of the physical crap. I do not care about names any longer. All I know is that I woke up screaming in pain this morning. MY back, arms, and legs felt like they were on fire.

It was at this moment that I really though about life, or my life more exactly. Once I was able to clean my home, walk to the store, run through the park with the kids, chase the kids, walk the zoo or the aquarium without a problem. Now, any one of those things is impossible. Life has taken on a whole new view. It is not that I do not like the view, yet I do have to get used to it. First, I do not ask for help very easily and I realize that I need to start to ask for help.

I wish that people who know me would realize that I still want to go out and have a cup of coffee or see a movie. I need people in my life, yet due to my PTSD, I tend to push people away.

I feel like I need to start life over. That I need to make amends with people and realize what I can do.

One idea that has been thrown around is a book! For those who read my blog, I would love your opinion and I am looking into how to go about telling my story. Maybe others can relate!