Looking UP

Sometimes I feel as if I am just looking up and cannot get anywhere even though I want to. I see everyone around me having successes and moving forward, while I feel that I am stuck in one place.

While I feel that I making improvements in therapy, they are baby steps. Sometimes taking a month to get through one small part of a memory. At least I am working!

Then there is all of the physical crap. I do not care about names any longer. All I know is that I woke up screaming in pain this morning. MY back, arms, and legs felt like they were on fire.

It was at this moment that I really though about life, or my life more exactly. Once I was able to clean my home, walk to the store, run through the park with the kids, chase the kids, walk the zoo or the aquarium without a problem. Now, any one of those things is impossible. Life has taken on a whole new view. It is not that I do not like the view, yet I do have to get used to it. First, I do not ask for help very easily and I realize that I need to start to ask for help.

I wish that people who know me would realize that I still want to go out and have a cup of coffee or see a movie. I need people in my life, yet due to my PTSD, I tend to push people away.

I feel like I need to start life over. That I need to make amends with people and realize what I can do.

One idea that has been thrown around is a book! For those who read my blog, I would love your opinion and I am looking into how to go about telling my story. Maybe others can relate!

Advertisements

One thought on “Looking UP

  1. Asking for help must be one of the most difficult things for most of us. It’s something I’ve been thinking about in the past few days and I am so damned scared of doing it. One day though, I’m going to do it…

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s