I have been depressed for what seems like forever. I am working to try to understand my emotions, or lack of them. To stop self-harming every time that I feel overwhelmed.

I am working with my therapist, however; it is up to me to change. I am the one that needs to be able to sit with all the crappy feelings. To be able to realize that other people care. Right now, I feel like the last person who cared about me went out of my life when I was 11.

How do I begin to grieve the losses and live in the present. Create a life for today. Actually “live”. I do not even know where to start. I am scared of so much. A simple task like getting the mail in scares me. I guess I need to put one foot in front of the other. Start with something small. I need to realize that I did not get this way overnight and am not going to change overnight either.

This is going to be hard. To be frank, this is going to suck!!! If I want to get better and be in the present, I need to try. I am just scared that this will be another task that I fail at:-(

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