I feel like I want to give up. I have gone back to school and was 10 weeks from graduation. My days have begun to run together. Every time I look at facebook. I realize how far ahead of me everyone is with their life.

As far as I am concerned, I am a failure. My first degree is not useable without going back for more schooling. That means money that I do not have and I am not sure that I want to start all over again. What if I cannot get through another program. What would I do then?

My eating disorder is strong right now. It is the only thing that I feel that I can control at this point. Sometimes, I wonder why I am still here? My life has become
staying in one room of my home. I either cannot sleep or sleep all day.

I just wished that therre were someone with what I have that I could talk too. That understood what this is like and know how alone this illness can make someone.

Today I am close to the botttom. Hopefully, I can pull out of this and start living again instead of just getting through the day!

4 thoughts on “Giving Up

  1. Somewhere I once read a quote that has stuck with me. It goes something like “Don’t compare your behind the scenes life to others’ highlight reel”. Facebook shows our best moments and tends to ignore the mundane or challenging times in our lives. It’s easy to think everyone else is miles ahead of us if we look at their facebook timeline but the truth is we are all where we need to be in order to grow. I have only recently allowed myself to feel okay about not accomplishing external success and be proud of myself for inner healing work.

    PTSD and eating disorders really drain the life out of a person (in my experience) so if you need to sleep more and take time to be on your own that’s okay. Talking to a counsellor or psychologist about how you’re feeling might be helpful. I could never have gotten through my eating disorder recovery without my shrink.

    Also, I am in a similar position with having a degree and another one that was almost completed but lacked the practicum. That was three years ago and I have come to terms with it knowing I did the right thing for me. There was also a graduate program I’d been accepted into but I didn’t have the funds and needed to heal more. Currently I have little idea what I am doing and it’s scary not knowing what I will do but uncertainty is part of life. As a control freak I don’t do terribly well with uncertainty yet I am handling it the best I can with the belief things will work out as they should.

    You can get healthy again if you wish to but it is really difficult on your own. Hopefully you have a therapist of some sort to talk to. I’m thankful for the therapists I have had to help me along the way.

      1. You’re very welcome! What good is suffering if we can’t use it to help others? We may not be “professionals” but I bet there are posts written by you, me and more like us that have helped in ways we aren’t even aware of.

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