In my opinion, my therapist and psychiatrist are good. They listen and try to give assignments and advice that relates to what is going on with me based on what I tell them.

**MAY TRIGGER**

They do not get to see or hear everything that is going on. In my case I have DID. The doctor can be talking to one part while another is shouting about what i or the doctor is saying at the time. My life is complicated. Days run into each other and so do experiences. I realize that the doctor can only treat what I tell them about, yet I have drawings that map my parts and what each remembers. What happens to that information.

Assignments become triggering or irrelevant depending on what it is. I am tired of hearing it will get better with time, For me, it has been seven years. I still have the same nightmares, the same memories, the same fears. I have been working and journaling, yet none of it seems to help. The work just seems to stir more up.

The doctors are so happy that I got out what the assignment was that they do not see the landfall that they have created. I wish that everything could be put into a nice box. That the doctor could say to draw a safe place or write about how I feel and I would feel better. The only problem is that with so many parts, the safe place for one part may trigger memories for another part. All I tend to think, is here we go again.

Then there are the parts that refuse to show themselves. They are buried deep inside and would like to keep it that way. Why bring up the nightmare if I do not have to. Then, I wonder if the nightmare is really that bad. On top of that, the doctor will focus in on that one nightmare. The only problem is that the nightmare is one of many.

Having PTSD is like a choose your own adventure book sometimes. Follow the path of the memory and eventually one will come to an ending. Not always the same ending and sometimes the path diverges. What trauma do you want to hear about today??

Stop picking me apart. Stop telling me it will get better. Stop trying to separate events that cannot be separated. Most of all realize that there is so much more going on besides what you are hearing,

I said to my husband the other day that those of us with DID should be able to live together, It seems like we can often give each other the best advice, esp. on bad days when parts may be fighting. It would be nice to have people to feel “normal” around, Who know what you are going through, Who can give you suggestions on how to talk to your doctor because they have been there.

So to the doctor’s out there. I know that many of you are great, yet you only see a small fragment of us. Please try to listen more and talk less. Maybe other parts have a different opinion. All sides need to be heard before anything can be done!!

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2 thoughts on “Please Stop Telling Me What Is Going On With Me

  1. Very truthful … makes me feel frustrated on your behalf that even now you aren’t being fully listened to. Do you think you could ever say this/give this post to your T and psychiatrist?

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