**may trigger**

When I was in high school, life meant going to college and getting away from my parents. After college, there was marriage. The marriage brought kids. My ex was as abusive as my parents. I left and started over again. New places to live and even going back to school. Then my health took a turn for the worst and I had to end school 10 weeks shy of graduation.

So where is my life today? It feels like I am in a deep hole that I cannot get out of. Parts want to end it all and are tired of starting over again and again. My doctor asked if I would see him next week. My first response was not a yes.

There really are no good reasons to continue. I am tired of being scared that I will see my abusers when I leave the house. I am tired of not being in a position to move away and be able to try to have a life. Life is lonely. I can go for days without anyone calling. How do I go on and find a motivation to be here?

Don’t worry, I am going home and sleeping like every other day. I just want to stop feeling invisible!!