If one saw me on the street, in a store, or at the movies, they would not know that I have issues. I watch the movie, check out the clothes, shop for what I need. In fact, sometimes I even have a smile on my face. If I saw myself I would think normal. Not mentally ill.

What people do not see is the terror that is rushing through my veins every time I leave the house. The anxiety that comes with possibly making a mistake or looking different.

There is a sound and I jump. Quickly, I have to figure out what it is and if it will hurt me.What about the person behind me. Is he/she safe or do I have to worry?

Alarms are everywhere. Home the car. There is always a panic button at the ready. Then there are the nightmares that I cannot get away from.

So, yes I have learned to look ok in public. Sometimes I just wished that I could tell more people what is really going on. Have a shopping buddy or someone to get our hair done together. Maybe see a movie. That would be nice.

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3 thoughts on “What is Normal???

  1. Hugs to you! I relate to every letter you just published. Wearing that mask takes lots of work to self train. If they only knew… sigh

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