Today is the third time in a row that I have visited my psychiatrist and have not been put into the hospital. Maybe, I am actually stable for once.
I started dancing again last night. It felt great to be back doing something I love with people I know.
Still processing trauma in between. Learning that it is going to be a long road. Right now I will enjoy where I am.
Really it is more like ex-husband trouble. Even though there is an agreement, he seems to want to get out of it every weekend.
This should have been the last weekend of me seeing the kids for only one day. Instead, I cannot see them on Saturday when he could drop them off and even though there are 3 other adults in the house no one can drop them off on Sunday.
Picking them up sounds like an easy solution. Between tolls and gas, money is an issue. Not to mention the round trip is over two hours itself.
I just feel like I cannot get ahead. Even though my ex makes these agreements, he refuses to follow them. In his eyes, I should only be able to see the kids while he is working.
All of this because I have a mental illness that I needed treatment for. Even in the hospital, I called the kids every night, now, I feel like I am being punished for getting help .
This past weekend, I was able to see my kids. Sometimes, I feel like a horrible mom because of my illness and hospitalizations.
The kids always surprise me by telling me that they love me and giving me hugs. They still accept me, flaws and all.
I always think that I don’t know them as well as I want too. We were watching TV and I suggested a show that I thought my oldest might enjoy. Turns out, not only did he enjoy the show bit his brother was interested as well.
Turns out, the weekend was a success. I don’t know what will happen in the future. Maybe the kids will be angry that I was not always there, yet for now, they still want to see me and take me for me.