My treatment team wants me to get our more. So I chose to go back to school and do something that I always wanted to do. Dance. At first, things were going well. I felt like finally I had made the right choice. Maybe I could even get a job teaching dance if I had my degree.

Then , the rug was pulled out from under me. I found out that someone who is such an integral part of my life was not going to be in my life much longer.

I tried to go on as usual. Go to school, my dance class, and even some activities with my local NAMI office. I have been pushing through. Now I feel like I am climbing a mountain without any experience.

Thoughts of self-harm have returned. I cannot just replace the person that I am losing. This curve ball may just be to much for me to handle. I wonder about what I am going to do and how I am going to do it.

Grief is something that I am not good at. Right now, I am trying to push through. Yet, each day I feel worse. I cannot stop time, yet I feel like I cannot go on. Even in dance all I think about is how life is not going to be the same. I am not ready to let go.