My treatment team wants me to get our more. So I chose to go back to school and do something that I always wanted to do. Dance. At first, things were going well. I felt like finally I had made the right choice. Maybe I could even get a job teaching dance if I had my degree.

Then , the rug was pulled out from under me. I found out that someone who is such an integral part of my life was not going to be in my life much longer.

I tried to go on as usual. Go to school, my dance class, and even some activities with my local NAMI office. I have been pushing through. Now I feel like I am climbing a mountain without any experience.

Thoughts of self-harm have returned. I cannot just replace the person that I am losing. This curve ball may just be to much for me to handle. I wonder about what I am going to do and how I am going to do it.

Grief is something that I am not good at. Right now, I am trying to push through. Yet, each day I feel worse. I cannot stop time, yet I feel like I cannot go on. Even in dance all I think about is how life is not going to be the same. I am not ready to let go.

One thought on “Mixed Bag **May Trigger**

  1. I’m sorry for your loss and I know the feeling very well, dealing with thoughts of self harm, how hard it is when you have this precarious hold, this balance, and it gets toppled. Try to be patient and compassionate, choose healthy choices, use your skills. Make it an hour at a time, a minute at a time if needed. Just breathe and be. You are not alone and you are strong

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