Trauma changes a life. Even just one incident can completely change the path that you feel your life is going.
For years, I just thought that I could avoid talking about all those terrible times. Not have to “get my feet wet.” I just wanted to move on and live my life.
I am learning that trauma does not work that way. Not that I am diving in head first either, yet I am learning that I have to go all the way into the experience.
I hate feeling vulnerable, yet I have to expose myself in therapy. Take the mask off that I wear each day to protect myself and to let emotions out that I normally keep closed off.
Trauma work is scary. The trauma changed me and the work is allowing me to realize who I am. One area that I am passionate about is advocacy. Telling my story, working with organizations, and being open when I can. Maybe it will allow someone else to not be scared to get help or help someone to understand a friend or loved one with a mental illness.
Right now, I am working on who I am and where I want my life to go. I wish I could say the path was easy, but I cannot. I struggle. There are days when I do not want to get out of bed. The suicidal thoughts are still there. Self harm is still an everyday struggle.
I do not know where I will end up. I am trying to work on myself one day at a time.