The other day, I was triggered in a class. It was yet another moment of “If I would have known this I would not have done it.” The class started off ok. We were lying on the floor breathing. I just thought about mindfulness and listened to the internal meeting that was going on about how much to open up to my therapist and how to start.

Anyway, class starts to progress and we are supposed to feel our limbs getting lighter and floating. Again, I am not very comfortable, yet I can take myself out of the room.

Then IT happens!! We are told that we are going to be doing contact exercises. Bring on the panic attack and the flashbacks. Does she really mean touching someone else and them touching me. All I could think was”I am not prepared for this”.  I did the exercise and then that day when I got home I regretted it because it brought up so much that I was not ready for.

Now, I do not want to go back to class. I do not like people touching me. I do not want to fail the class either. The problem is that there is goI got to be more contact.

This is something that I need to address in therapy, yet I do not have enough time to do so. It seems like the traumatic memories just come. I can journal and I take my journal with me to school. Touching me is just something that brings up to much!


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