Sometimes I think that if I just push myself enough, I can get over whatever it is that I am struggling with. That thinking is not working with one of my classes. I just feel worse each day that I go. Everyday the class brings up additional traumatic memories.

At other times pushing myself works. Getting more involved with NAMI is one example. After the experience, I feel like I actually accomplished something.

Then there are the kids. My ex really believed that I would not fight for him taking visitation away. At the time, I pulled all of my resources to fight him to get back visitation. I am going to see my kids this year for the holidays.

I guess the lesson I have to take away is how much to push and how much it will affect me in the long run. Is it something that will make me stronger? Will it contribute to gong downhill and having to seek inpatient treatment? 

Right now,  have a decision to make. What I need to think about is what is best for me in the long run.

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