My ex is supposed to drop the kids off this morning. I called them yesterday to wish them a happy Easter. Only two of my three kids talked to me. Normally, I would not be upset if my oldest did not talk. That is almost normal anymore. Even his siblings have learned not to ask him to talk. Yet yesterday was a holiday.
Am I putting to many expectations on him? Should a holiday be just like any other day? I am struggling with those ideas right now.
As for me, no school or dance this week. I do have therapy. It is hard to deal with the trauma. I have so many layers blocking the emotions that go with the events. Sometimes I can feel the internal struggle of whether or not to talk. My therapist does not push to get things out. In that way, it is my choice. There is an internal struggle to talk. Sometimes half of me is really wanting to talk and then there are parts that seem to be blocking the words from coming out.
Unfortunately, the drug companies do not make a med for that and there is not a quick fix. Just a lot of therapy, journaling, and the use of coping skills.
Yes, it is spring break. At least as far as school is concerned. There is not a break in the thoughts that are in my head. There is not an off or a pause button. I wish that there were!