I am at the end of where I can push myself. Everyday this week I have had a full day. I just time to rest. I am scared if I do not slow down I am going to act on impulses and be back in the hospital.

Yesterday, costumes came in. I realized that I ordered the wrong size because of how tall I am. Even though the costume is loose, my eating disorder symptoms were triggered. It is hard not to want to act on those symptoms.

I am also supposed to talk about my truma this week. Not specifics, just how it has impacted my life. Even that is triggering as I found out when I was writing what I was going to say.

This is also the last week for on member of my treatment team. I am scared that because I rely on them I am not going to have anyone to trust to help in times that I need the help. 

All of this is adding up to just be to much. I am trying to take one thing at a time, yet I feel paralyzed. The flashbacks and PTSD symptoms are getting worse. One moment at a time I guess.


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