Fine. It is what I know I say to most people when they ask how I am doing. That is what most of society wants to hear. The good news. What is going right. We can just look at something like social media to get a glimpse of that phenomena. Trips, parties, firsts, anniversaries.
Then there is my fine. The fine that I use to cover up all of the hurt and pain. What I use to avoid letting anyone know that I am dying inside. The fine that masks the thoughts of self harm and loneliness.
I wish that I could ask for help. That I could say that I just need time with someone to go for lunch or coffee. That there are good things happening, yet there are also challenges.
Fine is a four letter word that I have come to rely on. For years I thought that I had to be fine. Even in therapy. That perception is just starting to be undone. So maybe I need to find another word other than fine. Not that everyone needs to know what is going on. Fine just does not do it. That is something to think about!