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My symptoms are increasing more and more each day. The past and present are getting muddled. I am trying to use coping skills.

My eating disorder is starting to become out of control again. There is the cycle of binging and restricting. Which seems endless. I wish it was just as simple as follow the meal plan.

Then my marriage is being affected. I easily feel abandoned and unwanted. There seems to be a constant need for attention when my symptoms are up.

Then there is the hyper-vigilance, not sleeping, flashbacks and all of the other wonderful symptoms. I am trying not to go into the hospital.

On top of everything. The stress is causing my fibromyalgia symptoms to increase. I noticed after a dance class the other day that my knee was bothering me. I should probably go to the doctor yet I am scared of what they will tell me. Even more I am scared that I will need to start to use my cane again.

For years I have not shown much emotion in therapy. All I did yesterday was cry. It has helped to start to draw again. I keep my journal with me wherever I go. 

I need to take care of myself right now, yet I am scared to ask for what I need.