I really thought that when school ended I would be less stressed. I would not have to get up early in the morning or worry about homework.
I was looking forward to pushing in therapy and having the week in between to work on assignments. We are just starting to get into how the trauma has led to the unhealthy thoughts about food.
Then I get hit with my ex’s new wife accusing me of talking about her and my ex filing for an increase in child support. I am scared that if he gets it, I will not have the funds to see my kids. I have a limited income. For eight years he has been fine with the way the child support is. Now he wants more and it would be almost twice as much as he is getting now. I know I just have to let things play out.
I just want to have time to think and that does not seem to be happening. The one person I could talk to about all of this was my psychiatrist and she is gone. The loneliness is palpable. She always seemed to understand.
I feel alone and overwhelmed. The insomnia seems to be getting worse. The hyper-vigilance and agoraphobia increasing. Thoughts of self-harm are coming back.
If I go in the hospital there is a chance I may lose my kids. That may happen anyway without me wanting it too. I just cannot handle much more!