Having a mental illness is hard. Just to have the right diagnosis may take years. For the person with PTSD, they are misdiagnosed an average of 7 times before the correct diagnosis is made. That is a lot of doctor visits and even more medication.

To the outside world, mental illness is invisible with a few exceptions. There are beginning to be more positive images of mental illness, yet it is still all over the news and Internet when that one person out of millions makes a bad decision.

Having a mental illness is hard. Other than my therapist, there are few people who I can talk too. Most people feel that I am fine. I am not in the hospital, my weight is normal, and I can even get out of the house to run small errands. What they do not see us how much it takes to do anything. How much I have to push and convince myself to get a shower, get dressed, and get out the door. How I have turned around in the past and cancelled or just have said that the errand could wait.

Right now, I have a lot of stressors. It is causing me to want to binge. Internally, I am at war with myself. It is so easy to have access to all of the foods that I want. Somehow, I have to find the willpower to resist. I have been irritated and angry over the emotions that are coming up. 

Therapy is only one hour a week. All of the other hours it is up to me. Since school is out and dance is ending, it is hard to think about all of the time that I will have for my mind to wander. I have looked into activities. I at least need to do something. 

Still I feel like I should be fine because I look fine.


2 thoughts on “Invisible

  1. I can relate to everything you said. It’s hard to act normal because you look normal. No one sees how difficult it is just to get out of the house and feel like doing anything. I find myself smiling and trying to act normal most days, but it is difficult! When no one can see how you feel on the inside, they don’t know how to help or what to say. Most times they don’t even know you are going through anything at all!

  2. I just told a friend of mine today, when questioned why I was starting therapy, that sometimes our darkness is so deep inside of us, that you can only see the light we shine. He didn’t seem to understand how someone that has everything they want (and excuse me, I worked very very hard to have what I have), could possibly be sad about anything.

    Nevermind I have thirty years of crap that I need to throw up on the therapists lap.

    But no, just because we smile and do things that normal people do, we couldn’t possibly have inner turmoil.

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