PTSD can be caused by many different types of traumas. Triggers can be different for everyone. My PTSD came from years if mistreatment as a child. The people around me were not always safe and did not always say the most encouraging things. Then there was a bad marriage and more instances as an adult.

Life today is hard. I live in the same neighborhood as my abusers. In fact, I often see them. I have no choice but to pass and to see the same places where things occurred. 

I have scars on my body from self-harm. I am reluctant to trust people and therefore have a hard time making and keeping friends. I keep people at a distance.

The pain is often overwhelming. I did not choose this. Sometimes I wish that I could just make myself ok. That I could just be like everyone else, yet I cannot. To many things have happened. 

People do not see the struggles that go on inside of me. The struggle to tell what happened to me and to deal with all of the emotions behind it. The internal feelings in my body. All of that is invisible. None of that is acceptable to share in our society.

So, I try to go on, yet sometimes I cannot. Sometimes, I slide backwards and need extra help and support. Right now is one of those times. Being honest with my treatment team is hard. I just want to tell them that everything is alright and work on what happened. Yet safety comes first. 

3 thoughts on “The Reality of My PTSD

  1. It takes so much to be open and honest, you’re doing so well. We all have the ups and then the downs. You can do this. It must be so hard living in the same place as your abusers

  2. I relate to you. I often wish I could erase my memories from the past. So many tell me that would be crazy yet it sounds like a dream to me. My past haunts me every day and letting go seems impossible. I hope you can find a peaceful place soon.

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