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Lately, I have been struggling. This is always a rough time of year for me. My eating disorder behaviors have increased. I also have little hope that the future is going to get better.

For the past week, I have had to call my doctor and report in on my weight and how my mood is for that day. Then I have to say how much I am drinking. Drinking enough has always been a struggle for me. I am still getting used to drinking.

Then there are my kids. Child support seems to always be an issue with my ex anymore. So I did something about it and took it into my own hands to be modified. Right now, I can barely afford to see the kids with what I am paying. I have a feeling that the number is going to go up. That will be a problem. Between my doctors and medicines, it is a lot of money every month. I need a car to see my kids and a phone to communicate with them. If my obligation goes up, I am not sure how I am going to make all my bills.

There is not a safety net for either of these issues. It is more like climbing a mountain. Go up a little and then fall back. I will continue to keep pushing to climb up, yet the reality is that there are times that I am going to fall. There are some things that are out of my control.

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