A struggle. That seems like that is what life has been everyday. A struggle between the fine line of going into the hospital and staying out. The fine line of struggling with self-harm some days, well let’s be honest, most days.

My eating disorder is fighting to take over. My body just does not want food. I have chest pains and stomach aches. The numbers on the scale are supposed to be going up, yet they keep going down.

Then there is the issue of child support. I knew that court would be stressful. My ex has just added to it by telling the kids that I am taking him to court and that I do not want to pay him. I have been asked why am I putting dad through all of this. He continues to text me, wanting peoples’s names and other information.

Then there is school. Each day I have class is a struggle to get here and to go. I wonder if I am doing the right thing. If I should just relent and go inpatient or at least to a day program. Parts of me are fighting each other over what answer is the right one.

I am not sure what path I am going to wind up on. Right now I feel scared of what I could do to myself if one more thing happens. I am going to call my doctor this morning and I need to face whatever is coming.

Wish me luck!!

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