Constant panic attacks wash over me in waves. My chest starts to hurt and my hands shake. I cannot even begin to process what is going on around me.
This is week four and my body is screaming at me to stop this. To just give up. I want to push and keep pushing. There is the fact that my mind seems to be like a whiteboard that gets erased after each class. I am scared most of the day that something is going to happen. My OCD gets me to school early enough where I can get the same spot.
That is not including the homework and studying. Last night I had a meltdown when I submitted the wrong file for an asssignment on the computer. I freaked out and all I wanted to do was get away.
As I am sitting here this morning, I do not want to be here with all of the people and the noise. I want to be in the quiet of the house. I want to focus on therapy. I do not even want to go to dance at this point. I just want some time alone.
I am doing this on the outside. On the inside I feel like a thousand piece puzzle just falling apart. I need quiet and some time that I do not have. My long term goal is there, yet can I even reach the small goals in between?