Being tired and having to push through a class. Recording every class because I have missed half of the notes because I have dissociated.
Having to park in a handicapped space on campus because I cannot walk the entire way. Scheduling classes so that I will have the time that I need to mentally rest or go see the doctor.
This has become my new normal. I did not ask for it, yet it is there. I have had to figure out a new way to study. A new way to attend class so that I will not run out. Where I feel safe on campus.
Before I was ill, I could go anywhere and walk as much as I wanted. I could read something once and remember it or I could write a paper coherently. I could walk across campus and back again.
Now I have to plan where I am going to go. Walking hurts and adds to the exhaustion.
There are some positives. I am passing all of my classes, I still see my kids, and I have support. I do not know where I would be without that support. Every time that I am down, they have encouraged me to get back up and focus on the end goal. I wonder if the end goal is ever going to happen. Then, suddenly, another day has gone by and then another.
I have to admit, I am looking forward to winter break!! I am exhausted. I can catch up on sleep and journaling. Maybe even color a little before the semester and the stress start all over again!