Where to even begin this post. The only good thing is that another court case is over. Who knows when the next one will start. The other piece of good news is that the 5 year olds finished their ballet dance last night. I was so proud of them!!
School sucks so far this semester. There is one class that the materials and what the professor talks about seem to match. Another class is just out there with the professor. She talks about everything but what is on the syllabus. Then there is the amount of work and the hours that I am at school. I have two days where I am there for 12 hours and I just am not handling it very well. I just need an extra day in the week to be able to complete all of the work.
Then there are the kids. My oldest child no longer wants anything to do with me. That child has written me an email telling me this. Apparently, the “truth” that he hears from his father and step mother have swayed him to believe that I am a horrible mother and person. His father told me last night that if I keep pressing the issue that my son may try to kill himself. That is not something that I want. I love my son, yet where do I go from here. Do I just let him alone? I am not sure that I can do that.
I am not doing well mentally. I am so stressed that nothing at this point is helping with sleep. I do not think that there is a sleep medication that would be strong enough to make this any better. I am trying not to binge, yet it is hard. I am just tired and ant to be at home. I have considered giving up school. Who is going to hire someone who is this old and damaged? Right now, I just need lunch with a friend. Someone who can tell me something positive about their life that has nothing to with school.
How am I going to get through the day? One hour at a time seems like to much any longer. Time is a bitch. I am just tired all the way around. There is nothing that is going to change anytime soon. Yes, I could take my ex back to court, yet I am not sure that I have the strength to do so at this point in time. To bad, I cannot get away for the weekend. Where would I go? That is easy. Florida. I love it there. The clouds and the air is just different. It would be nice to be able to go for the weekend!!