Typical days for me suck. Having PTSD makes the day hard to get through. I do not want to leave the safety and cocoon of my home in the morning. Then I do not want to get out of my car when I get to wherever I am going. Getting out of the car, means leaving the relaxation that the music provides and having to interact with people. Normally, my therapist or psychiatrist.
A normal day is filled with obsessive thoughts over whether or not I should eat or not eat. How much I should eat? Then I eat to much because I am stressed out! If I want to eat it is something already to eat like fruit. I do not cook and even worse, I cannot tell you the first thing about using the dishwasher.
The day is filled with coping skills. Breathing, mints, gum, stress balls, putty, and coloring to name a few. Then there is the music to calm me down and block out all of the noise from the outside. The fact that I like to be under a blanket to feel safe and would rather be there than anywhere else most of the time.
If I have to go and be around other people, my day includes a PRN for the anxiety. I have called my therapist and left a message so many times! Sometimes, I wish that I could take the blanket everywhere. At least I can use headphones with the music.
That brings me to today or rather the start of the day: midnight. It was not until after 2am that I fell asleep. I had to be up for a class at 6 am to get showered and get to school. The only thing that I wanted to do was stay in bed, yet I got up and pushed myself to get ready and get out the door. Then there was the mental battle of the wills to get out of the car. Right now, I am sitting in the room for my evening class. Mind you I hate evening classes, yet it was all that was offered. I hate being here when it gets dark and I hate the stress. Tonight I know that we will have to work in groups. I will just be glad to get that part over. Then, I will be able to leave and go to my safe car with my safe music.
Due to the excitement and nerves of the day, I will have trouble getting to sleep yet again and it will be another long night of watching the same shows and reading the same books to try to force myself to go to sleep. I hate my typical day. I wish that it were better and I am working on it in therapy. At least I can get out of the house at times. That is the goal at least.