I heard that trauma therapy was a guided tour though hell with the patient as the tour guide. The statement could not be more accurate for me at this time. I am at the precipice. I can see the fire and the smoke, I can feel the heat. Now, I need to take that very hard first step inside. Go back into my memory and dig out the thoughts and feelings fromm so long ago that still haunt me and have become my personal demons.
These same thoughts have also become a prison from the outside world. They keep me isolated and alone. Afraid to tell my story or feeling different because of what I have been through.
My therapists office is a safe space. If I have to go through the journey, at least someone is going to be there with me. To hep me when things get tough and to pick up the pieces so that I can move on to the next week. All of those horrible experiences need to be relived in order to heal. I hope that this works and that going through some of this makes these memories have less of an impact on my life.
If I want to help others with their problems in life, I need to address my own. It is time to take that first step into the unknown and to find our what is behind all of the flames and the smoke. Maybe after all of this, I will have a sense of piece and can have a relaxing and tranquil spot to think of my memories. Maybe they will just be contained somewhere that is safe and only I can get to. They will only be memories, not events that still control my life.