I know what I want to do with my life or at least have a general idea. Yesterday, I had an information session regarding a possible career path in the field that I know I want to work in. As the session went on, I knew that this particular position would not be the best for me. All of the old messages of what I should do went through my head. Was I making the right decision? Was I throwing away an opportunity?
The hour and a half car ride home was tough. On one hand, I knew that this opportunity would not come along again, yet I knew that it was not for me. I was not going to fit with the restrictions that would be placed on me or on the ways in which the clients were worked with. I want to be interacting with clients on a regular basis. To be on the frontline, not filling out papers for them to get there.
So, my placement for next year is up in the air. Somehow, this is ok with me. I am wondering what it will be and if that may be the area where I find my place or another area that I can eliminate.
So much has changed in me since my journey began 13 years ago. I have come to realize that what I decide may be best, even though others may not agree. Also, to listen, to take the opinions of those more experienced when they are just trying to give me the best advice. Not everyone is attempting to abuse me or see me fail. Those are hard concepts to accept.
More importantly, I realize what I can and cannot handle. If, I cannot handle something, I cannot force myself to do it. Like eating ice cream for a dairy intolerant person causes stomach pain and discomfort. I am not in a position where I can relive my abuse each day. I have helped others in the past without being triggered. I need to find that place again. I know that I will.