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I thought that I was doing ok. I was maintaining a healthy weight, my self harm urges were manageable, and my attitude was ok. At least it seemed pretty even.

School is stressing me out. I am at the I just want to give up point again. The stress is causing me to use food to feel better or at least forget what is wrong. Then there is the ramifications of overeating. The weight gain and the guilt. And the cycle continues. 

I am thinking about self harm. There are so many pros at this time and so few cons. Even going into the hospital knowing that it will mess up my visitation with my kids does not seem to be enough.

Right now I need some support. It seems like when I was not eating right everyone was concerned about the loss, yet no one seems equally concerned about the gain or the ramifications of that. 

I need to figure out what is best for me right now. I feel like I am alone in that decision. I just wish that I had some support right now. Someone to encourage health behaviors instead of what is going on at the moment.