My life is in limbo right now. Apparently, I have to go in front of a committee, yet there has not been a date set. I most likely will not get another field placement this yer. This means that I will have to drop two classes. I am not a very optimistic person. To me, Just wish that those in charge would make a decision. In the meantime, I need to keep going to class and pretend that everything is ok. I have a pessimistic outlook. Why am I even going to class when this committee could expel me from the school.
I am waiting to hear what the committee’s decision is to know my next steps. In the meanwhile going to class and pretending that everything will be ok is draining. Another attempt to move forward may have failed. Why am I even good for? Am i to far gone in my mental illness to participate in society? I wish that someone could give me the answers.
My spouse is upset that I am so depressed. He feels like I should be up for the challenge of going before the review board. He keeps saying that things have not come to an end. I wish that I could believe him!
Tomorrow, I have a meeting with the Assistant Dean of Students to discuss what is happening. I am hoping she can assist me a little. At least tell me where I am in the process.
In the meantime, I have papers that may never be counted! Just keep moving forward is not something that I do very well! Is there a degree out there for me or am I so lost that I cannot even find a path to be on?