The Black Hole that is my Current Situation

I am in limbo. I have no idea what I want to do and seem to be self harming more and more. I thought that I knew what I wanted, now all of those plans have been ripped apart. School is gone for now. Even the hospital really could not help me. I feel like I am at rock bottom with no way to get out. I do not have any hope that things will get better.

I am still not seeing my children. I knew there was a possibility of this when I went inpatient. I just did not know that my ex would be this much of a jerk about every step in the process to get them back.

Now, it looks like I am going to be a part of a DBT group. That will last 6 months. Part of me is like what then. Will I have anymore direction than I do right now? Will there be anything that I will be able to do without becoming angry and full of rage?

I am not sure if my family understands what is going on. We could not make a fall event and now we are not invited to the winter event. I know I am different, I just hate being treated like it by those who should support me. At least a text or a call.

School, work, even just getting through the day is currently hard to nonexistent.

Another stay in the Hospital **May Trigger**

After seeing my therapist 2weeks ago I felt like no one cared or understood how bad things really were. I decided to go to the ER where they put me in the psychiatric part and examined me. I was able to get medicine for my cuts and burns. 

The psychiatrist assessed me and told me that I would sign a voluntary. I said yes, yet the voluntary was never brought to me when the ambulance came to transfer me, I learned that I was involuntary. I postponed my hearing in order to get some kind ofoutside help. I was told that a DBT group would be helpful, yet I was told that they could not refer me.

No one seemed like they could help with the parts work that I needed to do. Luckily my husband brought up markers so I could write in myjournal. At least I was able to begin some internal communication.

Right now I am going to see my therapist. I am hoping that he has a plan or I am scared that I will be back in the hospital. Right now I just need quite, peace, my medications, and a friend or two. It would be nice for someone to watch a movie or just talk to keep my mind off of all the self harm thoughts.

Another stay in the Hospital **May Trigger**

After seeing my therapist 2weeks ago I felt like no one cared or understood how bad things really were. I decided to go to the ER where they put me in the psychiatric part and examined me. I was able to get medicine for my cuts and burns. 

The psychiatrist assessed me and told me that I would sign a voluntary. I said yes, yet the voluntary was never brought to me when the ambulance came to transfer me, I learned that I was involuntary. I postponed my hearing in order to get some kind ofoutside help. I was told that a DBT group would be helpful, yet I was told that they could not refer me.

No one seemed like they could help with the parts work that I needed to do. Luckily my husband brought up markers so I could write in myjournal. At least I was able to begin some internal communication.

Right now I am going to see my therapist. I am hoping that he has a plan or I am scared that I will be back in the hospital. Right now I just need quite, peace, my medications, and a friend or two. It would be nice for someone to watch a movie or just talk to keep my mind off of all the self harm thoughts.