You will feel better soon. You have to get through this to lesson the pain, anger, etc. This group/treatment should help. How about a new medication?

Really!! None of those things has worked. I still feel horrible. Yesterday I told a close friend that I do not feel right without an open wound on my body. That would feel better. It would be better than feeling like a failure everyday. I feel like I let so many people down when I could not even get through the first month of grad school.

Now, I am just lost. I am not sure where to go or what to do. Am I so messed up that I am not able to live a “normal” life. I have thought about that. What are some alternatives? I have thought about writing. I am not sure about that one. Then there is the addiction counselor. I know that an eating disorder and self harm are addictions. Maybe helping others get through their dark and challenging days. Right now, I am just not sure.

At least I am able to see the kids again. They keep me going. I do not want to leave them with just their father. I am not sure that would be good for any of them. Just a few more weeks until they will be able to spend the night again!!

Lately, I have felt pretty bad. Like I do not want to get out of bed or off the couch bad. I do not see the point of all this therapy and treatment if I still feel like crap. Then again maybe I need to go through this to get to the other side. Feeling better would be good.

School and work are on the back burner for now. My goals are to try to process some of the things that happened to me in order to decrease their impact. That looks so good on paper. In reality it feels like crap and does not seem to be getting better.

2 thoughts on “How Do They Know?!? **May Trigger**

  1. I hear you. Oh yes, I have been there, feeling all the things you describe. Feeling hopeless, feeling like the pain would never end.

    Today I am so grateful not to be feeling that way any more!!! I wish I could snap my fingers, wave a magic wand, and make it all better for you. Oh, do I ever wish that! But we each have to find our own way, and, corny as it sounds, time takes time.

    Meanwhile, never, ever, ever, EVER give up on yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Take care of yourself. Rest. Eat. Rest some more. And just allow yourself to be.

    You are a child of the universe, you have a right to be here. You have a right to be yourself.

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