The other week I was sent an article that was written by a person whose mother had two stillborn children. My own mother had two stillborn children.

I could relate to the feeling that they were there even though they were not physically present. Having to live up to a standard ideal of who they would have been, yet never were. Living with two ghosts.

In my case I did not have a sibling like the author of the article. I was expected to be perfect and act perfect. To get good grades and do what the other two children would have done had they been there.

Sometimes it was a nightmare. Being beaten over a B on a test or being told that I was not good enough and was a mistake to have. Until this day they are idealized to the point that I have been alienated.

I am not perfect! I have been inpatient in mental hospitals. I have not gone on to do all of the great things that the other two children would have done. I cannot change who I am and am realizing that I will not live up to the ideals that my parents had for them and expected from me.

2 thoughts on “Touched Home *May Trigger*

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s