Groundhog Day. That is what my therapy sessions feel like anymore. It is like neither the therapist or I know what to say. After a lot of thinking I am going to begin to interview new therapists. Maybe a change will help me out if this rut I am stuck in at this time.

The purgatory of mental illness is where I am right now. I really do not want to die, yet living is painful everyday. Not being able to talk in therapy does not help anything. Not being able to have any of my doctors truly understand me is even harder.

I am working on not self harming. I am taking the cats out on the sunporch to get some time in with nature. I am still journaling and I work on my diamond paintings at night. At least it all provides a distraction from what part of my mind really want to go.

I wish that I could write something positive, yet I am not in a place right now to do it. There has been no change in how I am. I have now been called treatment resistant. Yesterday, I said that I wanted to go inpatient and was told that the hospital would not help. I feel like I am hopeless. Even the hospital will not take me! Where do I go from here? Right now I just see a limitless bottom than continues to grow deeper.

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