As I sit here this evening watching the last of the sunset, I am completely disconnected from those around me. How do I come back after being called treatment resistant? After having my therapist say to me that I may need a new therapist.
I have lost friends, my kids, and most of all my motivation from this illness. I used to always have the theory that if I kept putting one foot in front of the other that things would get better.
Instead the facade of a chance for a life has lifted and there is only blank space. There is no motivation to go on anymore. My body and mind are broken. I think I set a record after being told I needed to leave my social work placement after three clinical days. That dream of helping someone else died that day.
I feel worse now then ever. There is just emptiness at this point. A feeling of being out there on my own without a life preserver or survival kit. I am scared to think that things could get worse.