Abuse takes so much from any person. My abuse took my ability to make my own choices. I was told what to like. My abusers told me what color, foods, classes, college major, and even where I should live. This has been detrimental as an adult. When anyone asks me where I want to go eat, I have a panic attack. I am always scared of upsetting the other person. What I have learned is that saying that all the time frustrates the other person, yet I cannot seem to stop doing it.
Then there are memories of college majors. I was fine at regurgitating information. I often thought that I failed exams to find out later that I passed. I had a problem when I would have to complete a task with another person. Whether that be nursing or making a lesson plan. I could not come up with my own thoughts and even when I did, I felt like I was a failure.
I know that this is something that I need to work on in therapy and it is not going to be easy.