All of us are born to a mother. Whether that mother loves us or not is another choice. Some mothers have an instant bond with their baby and others take a while. Some moms go through postpartum depression and need a little extra help in the beginning.

I had the mother who did not want me. Who felt that I was a mistake and ruined what she had planned for her life. Her dogs were planned. They had every toy and bed that they needed while I watched my toys being taken away by the garbage men.

She wanted and yearned for the children that she lost. Her beatings and hurtful comments were made to hurt someone that she did not see as part of herself.

For some reason I do not blame her for all of the pain and hurt that she caused. I was a mistake. Why did the universe allow for her to have a child she did not want?

The sad fact is that even today I am not sure that she realizes the harm that she caused. She has not seen me for years and made it clear that I was not welcomed to call the last time that I spoke to her.

Now, I need to get over feeling unwanted, unloved, and that I was just a mistake for anyone to treat poorly.

2 thoughts on “Causing Harm **May Trigger**

  1. Hugs. This is a weird way to think of it, but if she truly wasn’t prepared or equipped for a child, she could have given you to a family that would have welcomed a child they couldn’t have on their own. She chose to keep you then blame you for that choice violently. That makes her responsible for the consequences of those actions, yet she blamed you for them instead of either deciding she loved you and wanted to keep you despite the hardship and unexpectedness or seeing you adopted by parents who could love you and care for you. She chose the only option where you suffered and were blamed, and that is *not* acceptable. I’m sorry you have to grieve the childhood you never had, but she was not a passive actor in this. Life often sucks, but taking that out on a child deserves blame on her part.

    1. Thank you for your response. I think that she did the best that she could considering the expectations of mothers at the time. I often wished that I would find out i was some else’s or that the hospital made a mistake. I just make sure to not treat my own children that way and to make sure that they feel loved.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s