All of us are born to a mother. Whether that mother loves us or not is another choice. Some mothers have an instant bond with their baby and others take a while. Some moms go through postpartum depression and need a little extra help in the beginning.
I had the mother who did not want me. Who felt that I was a mistake and ruined what she had planned for her life. Her dogs were planned. They had every toy and bed that they needed while I watched my toys being taken away by the garbage men.
She wanted and yearned for the children that she lost. Her beatings and hurtful comments were made to hurt someone that she did not see as part of herself.
For some reason I do not blame her for all of the pain and hurt that she caused. I was a mistake. Why did the universe allow for her to have a child she did not want?
The sad fact is that even today I am not sure that she realizes the harm that she caused. She has not seen me for years and made it clear that I was not welcomed to call the last time that I spoke to her.
Now, I need to get over feeling unwanted, unloved, and that I was just a mistake for anyone to treat poorly.