Most years, since 2004, I have gone into the hospital in September. I begin to have more nightmares and flashbacks. My coping skills seem to evaporate. Many times I self harm.

This has been one of the worst years. I am beginning to clearly remember things that were fuzzy. Instances of trauma have been verified. I feel trapped in my own skin without a way out.

Those closest to me have no idea what to do and are overwhelmed with what they are seeing. They want to help. I just cannot seem to catch the life preserver being thrown and at times handed to me.

For the first time in a long time I am scared how the rest of the month will go. I do not want to make a choice that will negatively impact those around me. For right now, everyday is a struggle.

4 thoughts on “September Issues *Trigger Warning*

  1. Hugs. There is no shame in doing what you need to do to stay safe. If being in hospital helps you stay safe, then it is better for you and your loved ones to avail yourself of it rather than risk a scarier outcome. If you think you want to try and make it through, have safety plans in place and be very gentle with yourself. Traumaversary times suck. There is no shame in that.

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