For years, I have had trouble talking about all of the events and thoughts that are not acceptable to me. All of the self hate and blaming. I advocated for myself and my insurance agreed that I could go back to my therapist of 15 years.

When he saw me and saw how depressed I was, he was immediately concerned. Then, he mentioned Shadow Work. Since regular therapy, journaling, and medications were not helping; I thought why not try this new type of work. I went on Amazon that day and ordered a shadow work journal.

When the journal arrived there were some recommendations in the front. First there was no wrong or right way to answer the questions. The second, was that there were not judgements, just write what came up first. Having complex PTSD comes with dissociation in most cases. Mine has gone past that to DID. It helps having specific topics and questions to answer. I find that I am surprised at what I am writing.

Each entry also includes a section to write what you like about yourself as well as an event that may trigger memories. There are some surprises about what might have triggered me.

Therapy this week was more productive because I had thoughts to talk about and elaborate on, which then turned into even deeper questions. It has helped a little with the feeling of self loathing. I realize I was to little to control what was said and done to me.

Shadow work seems to be helpful. I am going to continue with one question a day. I am going to use it for topics to talk about in therapy.

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