More Lies and Deceit 

I have already lost one of my children for reasons that I do not understand. Now, I feel like I am losing another. My ex and his wife tell my kids that I do not care, that I am not contributing enough money,’and that I am choosing a life that does not include them.

In reality, my ex is getting the child support ordered by the court. I am transporting them according to the agreement, and I see them as much as possible.

Sometimes I feel like it is a battle that is already lost. My ex has the money to put them in camps and go on vacations. He has them more and they tend to gravitate toward what he says.

I get blamed for the divorce. Yes, I will take credit for what I did, yet he seems to leave out what he was doing. My mental illness is said not to exist on one hand and then to be the cause of everything on the other. I am sure that is confusing.

Inevitably, it is leading to my kids not wanting to have anything to do with me. They have taken their father’s view that I am not good enough and do not do enough. Sometimes I think that the best that I can hope for is for them to look back and realize that I did what I could. I was not perfect, yet I did my best:

Advertisements

Missing 

Having a mental illness is a challenge. Being a parent with a mental illness is even more of a challenge especially when the other parent seems to be always trying to take the children away.

This weekend is my holiday. Two of my three children came. I have had a great time with the two who did come. We had a cook out yesterday and are out as a family today.

My third child was given a choice to stay at his house. That is what he choose. It hurts. I knew that the day would come when they would be upset with me. Upset about all of the times I could not see them because I was in the hospital. Upset that I was not always there because I was sick.

I guess as much as I prepared it still hurts to know that there is already one child who does not want to come. I hope that one day he can resolve his feelings and that we can talk about them. I cannot go back, only forward.